Why the Internet?
Perhaps when you're younger you happen to meet a whole lot more
single people who are prospective new boyfriends or girlfriends? After
getting closer to some of these, you may develop a better idea of who
you'd like to become intimate with. With your newfound knowledge you go
back out there (school, college, or a club maybe) and while you are
still young, there are likely to to still be a number of others who will
match your latest criteria.
This premise of this is that if you meet enough people, you will
eventually find one that suits.
As you get a little older, some of the people who you might have
considered as prospective boyfriends or girlfriends will have got
engaged or married or had a baby.
When you're a little older again, the available pool of singles is
dramatically reduced. Or some that have become single again might have
babies or young children that need to be looked after. For two
compatible older singles to "happen" to meet each other the chance are
substantially reduced.
Some mutual friends might happen to know someone else who is also
suitably single, and they will want to set you up as surely it will work
out! (Perhaps in their minds, the only criteria is that you're both
single and older?)
The Internet is a worldwide stage, There are multiple dating sites
and you can peruse profiles looking for a possible new boyfriend or
girlfriend in the comfort of your own home and at a time that suits your
timetable. The fact that they have a profile means they are single and
available (if they have not lied). |
Do you know yourself well enough to date on-line?
If you were filling in a profile about yourself, how accurate would
you be? Do you make yourself sound fantastic and put in photos that
look nothing like you look any more? That really stunning photo of you
at 18 when you had perky / rippling bits, smouldering eyes and an
alluring smile is sure to catch people's attention isn't it? You'll
worry about telling the truth just before or when you get to meet them
won't you? Or are you brutally honest about yourself and what you want
in another person? Do you believe that you'll tell it like it is, and if
someone wants to hang with you, they'll appreciate your truthfulness?
It may be thrilling to have a lot of interest in your profile. The
interest will quite likely become e-mails that you will need to respond
to. If the profile does not accurately reflect who you are, how long do
you think you can continue to hide that as someone gets to know you
better and better with each e-mail that is exchanged? Do you include a
line like, 'Looking for new friends to go out with' and then reject
anyone who doesn't want children because your biological clock is
ticking rapidly and you don't have any time to waste just 'being
friends'? Or include a line about how much you love sports, and think
you can break it to your new e-mail lady-friend later that you haven't
actually played any sport since you were at school, you only like to
watch them with your mates and a few six packs? |
How does it work?
The idea behind most Internet dating sites is that you create a
(usually free) profile for yourself. A profile is like an advertisement
about yourself. It lets whomever happens by know a little about you and
what you are looking for in a mate.
Joining an Internet dating site and creating a profile is reasonably
straight forward. There may be a few checks done by the dating site to
verify they can contact you and bill you (if they need to), but they
will not be checking to see if you already have a partner.
Depending on the site you join, you will be able to search the
profiles for prospective partners with particular traits, living in
particular regions, speaking particular languages, etc. If you find
someone you want to make contact with, it will probably cost you a
nominal fee to give them a token which shows you are interested or send
them a message.
If they want you to continue to contact them, they will send
you their direct e-mail and you can strike up an Internet relationship
outside of the dating site. |
What sort of people will you meet?
People are still people, regardless of how you meet them. There are
still the full range of types on the Internet - conmen, liars, airheads,
etc.
In face-to-face situations, you will probably make assessments about
how someone looks or acts before you choose to talk with them. You may
have decided they were a dork, or out of your league, or just plain
boring by watching them for a short while.
With Internet and e-mail dating, you might get to exchange quite a
few e-mails with someone and know a bit about them without the benefit
of a face-to-face "assessment". You may actually be getting to like the
real person and feel quite close to them without knowing that you
are swapping e-mail with a dork or someone you'd normally think was out
of your league.
While someone might seem "normal" in the e-mails you exchange, and
you might exchange a lot of e-mail (and thereby also details about
yourself) with them in very a short amount of time, you won't really
know someone until you actually meet them.
|
So what will you learn on-line?
If people are open and honest (how
many people are?) you'll learn what they want you to know about them.
You may find e-mail frustrating. This is likely to happen if you ask
a few questions and feel the answers to those questions are
important in helping you get to know the other person, and your
questions are never answered. Or if you get e-mail that looks like it is
generic and sent to more people than just you.
If someone wants you to get to know them, they will go out of their
way to make sure you get to know the real person that they are.
Some people may not be terribly spontaneous, but they are quite
capable of writing considered responses in e-mails. When you get to meet
them face-to-face you may find they are totally boring as they struggle
to vocalise their thoughts and feelings.
|
The obligations of previous relationships
Shona found particularly that the guys that contacted her were almost
Jekyll & Hyde types. They were quite nice in e-mail, but spent the whole
time over a cup of coffee going on about how much of a ?#@% their
ex-wife was, or how much they missed their kids, etc. They did not seem
even slightly interested in getting to know Shona or sharing more about
themselves.
|
